I will get in my car and drive far. I will drive to a diner and be someone else. "What'll you have sugar?" the waitress will ask. "Coffee, black." She will bring me my coffee. A tear will slide down my face. She will want to ask me about it. Instead she will say, "Take your order?" I will not look up as I say "I'm not hungry". She will walk away and shrug her shoulders to the big greasy cook. He will pick up his cigar and puff at it. He will yell at her that the meatloaf is up.
I will not drink my coffee and leave five dollars on the table. The five dollar bill will have a torn-off corner. The waitress will pocket the five dollars.
I will drive until my eyes close and I feel the rumble of going off the road. I will curse myself for losing the five minutes the coffee would have given me. I will stop and sleep until I wake up. When i wake up, I will forget where I am. this is it. I will drive like I know where I'm going. i will smoke a cigarette with the window down. When the sun comes up, I will pull over and piss on the side of the road.
I will get to where I'm going and find a liquor store. I will buy whiskey because that is what I drink now. I will put it in the trunk for later. I will find something to eat because it's been days. I will eat eggs and brown toast and corned beef hash. I will drink the coffee and learn to like it. I will notice that the waitress is named Heather. I will smile at her. My smile will say, "I know you want to come with me." She will bring me an extra piece of toast. She will wink when she sits my plate down. She will tell me that she just put on fresh coffee and I need to wait a minute.
While I wait, I will write a note to her. It will say:
you should come with me. i want to show you something.
It will not have nice words in it like sincerely or dear. She will not need nice words. She will want to come with me. I will know this because she made me wait for my coffee.
I will walk out without paying and wait at my car. She will come out in five minutes. She will not look at me. She will get in my car. I will get in the car and start to drive. She will take my cigarettes and light one. I will put my hand on the inside of her thigh. She will hit the cigarette and then put it in my lips. I will not look at her. She will ask where we are going. I will not answer her. She will take the cigarette back. I will push my hand further between her thighs. She will tighten her thighs. I will drive faster. She will throw the cigarette out the window. I will rip her name tag from her blouse. I will hang it on my visor.
I will keep driving. She will start to get bored. She will turn on the radio. I will turn it off. She will put her hand on the inside of my thigh. I will grab her wrist and move her hand where i want it. She will try to pull it away. I will pull over. I will tell her to get in the back seat. I will make her crawl over the front seat. I will go to the trunk and get the whiskey. I will drink it. I will make her wait.
I will sit on the trunk and drink until she gets out to ask what the hell we are doing. I will get off the trunk slowly . I will tell her to take her shirt off. I will stare at her. She will blush. I will stand too close to her. I will let her smell the whiskey on my breath. She will ask me why I don't just fuck her. I will tell her to fuck me. She will tell me she doesn't know how. I will grab her breast. I will show her how. I will put her over the back of the trunk. I will grab her breasts from behind. I will fuck her with my hand. She will learn. I will turn her around. I will tell her to fuck me the same way. She will grab my breasts and pull them to her mouth. She will put her hand between my legs. I will pull her hair.
We will get back in the car. We will drive some more. We will find a room. We will fuck again. She will say she wants to stay and fuck all day. I will light a cigarette. She will get in the shower. I will finish my cigarette and drink some more whiskey. I will go in the bathroom and open the shower curtain. I will watch her in silence. She will masturbate. I will watch.
I will go out to the car. She will come out and ask what the hell I am doing. I will drive away. She will stand and look. I will smoke a cigarette.
